Three morals

A farmer from the old country is out plowing his field on a cold day in early spring.  As he's leading his team of oxen, he sees an injured bird on the ground and stops to see if he can help - but he soon realizes that the bird is beyond saving.  Just then, one of his oxen lets go with a steaming pile of shit. Taking pity on the bird, the farmer picks him up and nestles him in the shit, so that the bird can at least be warm and comforted during his last few minutes of life.  Then the farmer resignedly takes up the reins again and moves on down the field.

As the warmth spreads through the suffering bird's body, he feels better and begins to warble.  Just then, a passing fox hears the bird's song and trots over to investigate.  He finds the bird, lifts him from the shit and quickly gulps him down.

There are three morals to this story.  He who puts you into shit is not necessarily your enemy.  He who takes you out of shit is not necessarily your friend.  And, when you're up to your neck in shit, don't sing!

Three Engineers Contemplate God

An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and a chemical engineer are discussing God.

The electrical engineer says, "Look at the human body - all of the electrical impulses. It's obvious God is an electrical engineer."

The mechanical engineer says, "No, no - think about all of the muscles, tendons, and sinews - God is clearly a mechanical engineer."

The chemical engineer snorts and says, "Yeah right, God is definitely a civil engineer - who else would put a sewer through a playground?!"

[Thanks, Aunt Karen!]

What's the difference... [mature]

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I wouldn't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face!

[Thanks Mark!]